It's not Barney. In spite of the fact that my daughter loves Barney to near obsessive levels, he isn't her favorite. She loves her toy food, her Care Bears, and a bunch of other toys. None of them hold a candle to her favorites: my wife and I.
That's right. My daughter's favorite toy is me (and my wife). She would rather play with a stick and us than the biggest stuffed Barney in America. She would rather spend time with us than spend time in a room full of wondrus toys. How do I know? She spends time in that very room at least once a week. It's called the church nursury. She's ok going in, she has fun while she's there, but she goes NUTS when we come back. It's an ego boost every time I pick her up.
I'm sure that as she grows older she'll find other things that capture her attention. That's part of growing up. However, it's up to me to keep myself among the list of her favorite toys. That requires only one thing... time. The four letter word that parents know kids need but seems so hard to give. I understand the struggle, so here are a few suggestions.
- Set "appointments" for your kids. For example: "I will spend the half hour between the time I get home from work and dinner with my kids each day" or "Saturday morning belongs to my kids." Be realistic, don't reach for the stars, just for your kids.
- Drop something. Ouch, ouch, ouch! But it's true. If you have little time for your kids, you need to drop something else your doing, perminently. It's worth the pain to be thier favorite toy. You'll have time for hobbies when they move out.
- Learn what they like. This is simple. Learn what they like and do that with them. Then try and bring them into something you enjoy doing. I realise two year old's and golf courses don't mix, but buy them a play set and spend some time in the back yard.
- Forget about past failures. Guilt time is not good time. If you've blown it in the past, leave it in the past and start fresh. If you have an older child, you may need to appologize for not spending time with them before you can truely have a clean slate. Once you've cleaned the slate, dive into the time with your child head first!
There is one more thing I have to say. It's the most important thing I could say about parenting in one sentance. KEEP YOUR PROMISES!!! There is no way to mend a broken promise. Get it out of your head that you can "make it up". You can't. If you have to break a promise to your kids, do it head on with a sincere appology. Own your failure. Avoid promise swaping ("I can't do this now, but we'll do that latter"). Don't ever make it sound like it's their fault.
The payback is you get to be a superhero, a favorite toy, and a trusted friend by the most important people in your life: your family. The never having to deal with the "time with family" regret isn't to bad either.
